So I'm questioning my own gifts and calling just now. Being surrounded by super-intelligent people has me asking: Did they make a mistake letting me in here? I can't *think* as well as these people can! I can barely think straight at all! I pretty much feel stupid all the time. This week I had a major crisis-of-confidence at work... and I thought I had just recovered from one of those before my Poland trip! (Poirick dear, you mock- but my misery is real!)  It's debilitating at times... rendering me completely ineffectual. And competence is king in Cambridge-world. Survival of the fittest. No compassion anywhere. Well, that's not strictly true. My postdoc was slightly reassuring after an accidental spill on my part negated a day's work. And my supervisor treated me with respect this week. (He clearly doesn't realise what an idiot I am!)

Thankfully the weekend came, and my desperate tears on Friday were forgotten as I was mercifully distracted on Saturday by a lovely book discussion group that I've just gotten into... and I was reminded of all that I love about Cambridge. It's all about the people, really. Lively and intelligent people gathered in a warm homely-home, and discussed the relationship base of society and law. *Polis* as the basis for not just politics and metropolis but also politeness and policy.

They treated me like a real person, rather than the incompetent peon I feel like when I'm in the lab. Argh. I'm supposed to be going to a conference in three weeks... which means I have two weeks to finish up my data and prepare my poster... it takes a week to print the thing... and I just feel like I have nothing to say. I feel empty.

Okay enough self-pity. I'm going to pull myself out of this and go have a nice cup of cocoa while I curl up on my bed, listen to the English rain pound on my window, and read the next chapters of the Jubilee Manifesto for the book discussion group. Check out the Jubilee Centre webpage for a quick overview. http://www.jubilee-centre.org/